New beginnings

As the year comes to a close, I can honestly say that I am glad to have this one behind me. It has almost been 3 years now since my life took an alternate route. I had intended to stay on that same route the rest of my life, but life happens, and things change. Whereas it has felt as though we have been stranded in the desert for the past few years, I can finally see some fresh, new growth. While in the desert, everything was so dead. We were parched and dying a little more each day. Over each sand dune, I would pray for a drop of water to get us through the next one. And drops there were. God was so good to supply our every need. And eventually, as we travelled on in the desert, the terrain slowly but surely started changing. Instead of drops of water, we would find a small puddle here or there. Just when we felt we could go on no longer, God would satisfy our thirst and supply us with enough to go on. Eventually, we found a pond and green grass aplenty. Now, it seems there are still areas in which the grass struggles to grow, but overall there is so much more alive than dead! I am looking forward to this new year. As we attempt to find our new normal, we are excited to see what God has in store for us! Things are constantly changing, and we face new situations each day, but our God is a good God and will never let us down! Happy New Year!!! Blessings, Carol

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful" (John 15:1 NIV).

It has been quite a while since I have blogged! I've sat down several times and started one, but just never had it in me to finish. The past few years, in hindsight, have become quite a blur! They have been years of change, of pruning, of heartbreak, spiritual renewal, friendships, and again, much change. Around this time 3 years ago, I knew my marriage was coming to an end. I was aware of things that were yet to be mentioned, and much that was yet to be discovered, but all in all, I knew it was over. I remember putting out Christmas gifts that year, with tears flowing uncontrollably, with a sense of the impending and inevitable change that was just around the corner. I visualized past Christmas memories-when each child was born and we experienced that year with them, Christmas times when it was just the 2 of us, and the list goes on and on.

Sure enough, the changes came, and the kids and I have been through so much over the past few years. There have been heart wrenching times when we all huddled together and just cried. There were times when they held me and many times when I just held them and cried with them. There were times I wanted to run out of the house screaming for someone to come handle this beast that I was handed, feeling quite incapable! But there have been times of sheer laughter, joy unspeakable, and a peace that only an awesome God like the one we serve could allow at such a time.

We have now become accustomed to our new skin. We are constantly adjusting, but this has become our new normal. This past year, we left the home that had welcomed the arrival of 2 of the kids. They all took their first steps in that house, cut teeth in that house, and grew for many years. We had made friends with neighbors who had become like family. We knew each blade of grass in the front and back yard. We said goodbye to our beloved creek which held memories of rock skipping competitions, numerous photo sessions, and many ruined pairs of shoes! Each square inch of that house held a memory. Most of those memories were wonderful, but there were a few that we were glad to bid farewell. It was a very emotional experience, and one that I think helped us to finally realize the magnitude of change that had occurred. It was a definitive closing of one chapter, and a beginning of a brand new one. I had many fears during the transition. My only concern was that the kids would welcome our new home as a place of new, happy beginnings. With their dad moving into our old house, I was afraid it would hold them back from moving forward. But the move has been such a blessing. We are all very happy and this has become home. Home is truly where the heart is. One of the kids came home from a weekend at their old house with their dad and said, "Mom, it's really weird, but that house doesn't feel like home anymore!" Need I say more?

I am beginning to see the light at the end of this tunnel. I am finishing my teaching certificate this semester, and will hopefully and prayerfully be more self sufficient next year. I am able to look back at that dark pit that consumed me for years and am thankful to be looking down into it as opposed to looking up from it! God has supplied my each and every need throughout these years. It has been a time during which I have seen my Savior in a new light. He has become a constant friend, and has been there to hold me when I have needed Him most. I've been a Christian for many years, but have found a new closeness I have never experienced. For this, I am eternally grateful. I have been changed through this experience, and I would not go back to the old me for anything.

I am looking forward to what God has in store for me. I am excited to see His story unfold. I know it will be to His glory and a plan that will prosper me! I can't wait to tell my ashes to beauty story...