Ecclesiastes 9:11

"The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong"

Oh how the competitor in me grapples with this small portion of scripture. I have had the opportunity to be the swiftest and strongest many times in my life. It is only recently that I have come to accept and embrace the fact that I am most definitely not very swift anymore. I have realized that I am only somewhat strong in body, and very weak otherwise. When things go drastically differently than expected in life, it humbles you beyond recognition. Over the past year, I have found that I am only as strong as my weakness allows Christ to be in me. It is my weakness, in fact, that makes me stronger than I ever imagined I could be. If you would have told me 2 years ago that I would have to face what I've faced over the past year, I'd have told you there was no way I could make it through such. It seems too much to humanly bear, because it is.

A friend recently sent me an article written about a sermon that has been passed down through the years and has become known as one of the best sermons ever taught. Arthur John Gossip tragically lost his wife when they were in their middle years, and the following Sunday he stood in the pulpit to preach. His first sentence: "When Life Tumbles In, What Then?" The text he followed with was Jeremiah 12:5 : ‘So, Jeremiah, if you’re worn out in this footrace with men, what makes you think you can race against horses? And if you can’t keep your wits during times of calm, what’s going to happen when troubles break loose like the Jordan in flood?’ Gossip preached: ‘I don’t think you need to be afraid of life. Our hearts are very frail, and there are places where the road is very steep and very lonely, but we have a wonderful God. And, as Paul puts it, “What can separate us from his love? Not death,” he writes immediately. No, not death, for standing in the roaring of the Jordan, cold with its dreadful chill and very conscious of the terror of its rushing, I, too, like Hopeful in Pilgrim’s Progress, can call back to you who one day in your turn will have to cross it, “Be of good cheer, my brother, my sister, for I feel the bottom and it is sound.” Gossip had reached the bottom of who he was in his grief. But at the bottom, he reached the core of all that he believed: ‘You people in the sunshine *may* believe the faith, but we in the shadows *must* believe it. We have nothing else!’ (John Mark Ministries. Richland Croucher. December 12, 2005. When Life Tumbles In, What Then?)

This very subject has been heavy on my heart lately. I've struggled with comments from those around me about how "strong" I have been through my struggle. They are amazed at "how I've held up." They can't believe I'm "doing so well." Each time I hear such well meaning comments, I feel like I must certainly look at them with a very confused expression. I know immediately that they have not seen me on the floor of my bedroom, crying my heart out over the sheer magnitude of loss, over the torture my innocent children are going through because of things over which they have no control. They haven't seen me pounding my fists into a pillow that is wet from tears. They haven't seen me in my weakest form, fretting over what my life is going to look like for the next however many years! But maybe, just maybe, they are seeing the result of my getting to those weakest moments, and knowing that I am so incapable of doing ANY of this. For it has been in those very difficult moments that I've found that in my weakness, Christ is ever so strong. In my inability, He is so fully capable! In my brokenness, He is my whole! In my desperation, He is my hope! In my loneliness, He is my constant loving companion! In my fear, He is my peace! In my exhaustion, He is my rest! In my turmoil, He is my peace! So "when life tumbles in, what then?" I suppose we either run to Him, or from Him. But I can't imagine having lost so much, turning my back on the One true hope in this life! I cannot even imagine the absolute terror of facing a major crisis in life, and not having my God, my Savior, my Father carry me through it! Without Him, I can do nothing! So I run to HIm and He is always there!

This Sunday, I'm running a race called the Warrior Dash. I like a challenge, and this looks like it's definitely going to be one challenge after another. I'd initially signed up feeling like I've been in a battle of sorts, and feeling a bit warriorish. I planned to train really hard for it, and finish it in true warrior style. But life just keeps on tumbling in, and my initial plans didn't pan out (sounds a little like my life, huh). The training fell aside to stuff, kids, more stuff, etc. My plans to finish in warrior style have subsided to hoping I will be able to crawl over the finish line. But "the race is not always to the swift, or the battle to the strong." I believe the race is to he who, in spite of his circumstances, is able to run or crawl into the Savior's arms, who is willing to embrace his weakness, and allow Christ to be strong in and through him!

But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)