Pruning

John 15

The Vine and the Branches

1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

During a normal conversation the other day with my sister, out of the blue she asked me how I'm doing emotionally with the approaching holidays. I told her that over the past month I've had some time of true reflection-sadness, fear, concern for the kids, and absolute depression. However, as I've worked through those times, I'm convinced that we are a much happier and healthier family this year, than in many years past. In fact, the sad thing is that the other day my mom made the same observation. So, as sad as it makes me in one way, and after having made it through the first major holiday as a fam of 4, I have to say that I'm looking more forward to it this year than in many past. The sad part, of course, is that it isn't the way it was planned. This is is in no way the way I saw my life going. I got married to the man I chose to love forever. When I made that promise to him, to God and to all who attended the wedding, I meant forever! I had 3 precious children based on the knowledge and faith that we would be raising them in a healthy and happy forever family. But...that isn't how it ended. In fact, that's one of the most frustrating and exciting things! I can't see how this all ends. I can't see all of the good God has planned for me and my children. I know it, I believe it, but I can't see it. For now, I rest in His promises, and stay focused on HIm.

Today, I'm getting all of the Christmas decorations out of the attic. I can't even imagine how I'm going to put up the tree-that was his job! I'm sure I can do it, but would prefer not to have to do it alone. I'm having to move the nails on the fireplace, which have been permanently there for the past 11 years, to accommodate 4 stockings instead of 5. As I've been shopping the last couple of weeks, I've passed over several things I'd have normally been ecstatic about scoring for George. All of this is different this year. But I've found such peace in realizing that just as we have to prune dead branches off of trees to maintain the health of the whole, and just as the scriptures above state that our Heavenly Father prunes us to maintain our health and production of fruit, our family has been pruned as well. I believe that the branch which has been cut off, was making the rest of our family tree very unhealthy. Read the following on pruning trees and compare:

Cut Tree Branches Carefully

By Vrinda Kumble, India

Most farmers plant at least a few trees for fruit, fuelwood, or timber, for fodder or green manure, or just for shade and beauty. After the first three or four years, when these trees are established, they grow and produce even if they are neglected. But if you take a little extra care, the trees will live longer and produce more for you, your children, and perhaps even your grandchildren.

You must take special care when you cut tree branches. You will need to do this from time to time. You may cut off large branches if a tree shades your crops too much or if you need logs for building or other uses. You may cut small branches and twigs if you need fuel or leaves for fodder or green manure. Or you may prune or thin some kinds of fruit trees to force new growth for a better crop.

Whatever the reason, take care to cut the branches in the right way, at the right time. Here are a few simple steps to follow to keep your trees healthy and strong.

What to cut

Cut off dead, diseased, or broken branches immediately. If you don't, the branches may die back even more. Cut back to the first healthy node. Nodes are the points where new branches grow from older ones. A slightly damaged branch may heal itself, but if it is severely damaged, the tree wastes energy trying to heal it. Also, insects and diseases may attack the damaged weak spots. Burn these branches right away.

If you are cutting for other reasons, observe the tree carefully through a whole cycle of seasons. This will tell you what branches you can safely cut, and when you should cut them.

If you have planted the tree for its fruit or pods, note where they grow. Are they on the tips of last season's mature wood? Or on the young shoots of this season? Find out, so that you don't cut off the bearing wood.

Remember:

Cut off all dead and damaged branches immediately.
Prune fruit trees in the right season.
Keep the basic shape of the tree when you cut its branches. Use sharp, clean tools.
Cut just above a node.
Cut clear through the branch; don't pull, twist, or tear it off.
Seal the cut surface to protect from insects and diseases.
Give your trees this little bit of extra care and they will reward you with fruit, wood, and leaves for many years.

Just some rambling thoughts this early sleepless morning! I find such comfort and clarity in writing all of this down, and seeing it in print rather than only in my mumble jumbled head. Have a blessed day whenever and wherever this finds you!

Thankfulness!

As we so quickly embark upon one of my most favorite days of the year, Thanksgiving, I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on the many blessings in my life. I am, first of all, chosen by the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords! How can that be? That I was predestined to spend an eternity with my Heavenly Father is so unbelievably incomprehensible! My simple mind can't wrap itself around such. Thank you Jesus for choosing little, pathetic, inept me! I can't even express what I've experienced over the past 9 months. In past years, I've felt overwhelmingly thankful during this time. However, this year, I'm truly aghast. I have the most amazing friends and family, who have fervently prayed me through this period of testing. In my darkest hour, I've not once found myself alone. God is so good to me. I get teary eyed just thinking back to all of the amazing ways He's showed Himself so vividly to me in so many amazing ways. I've been a Christian since I was very young, and for the first time, I think I have truly been able to see the grace that I've learned about all of these years. It's an amazing thing! Christ has spoken to me softly, loudly, persistently, and omnipotently. And He has given me an ear to hear, as I've never experienced. This valley has been a struggle beyond my comprehension. It's taken more of me than I thought I had. It's brought out places and parts of me that I never imagined existed. And, in the end, it has brought me closer to Christ than I've ever been. How can one say that they regret having gone through this to experience the level of intimacy with our Father that I've experienced?! I am more than overwhelmed with His provisions.

It was about this time last year that I realized that my marriage was heading in a very bad direction. I've been limping along a bit as I've struggled to process this realization. Things hadn't been hunky dory for a while, but I naively thought that it was just a drier than normal period during our marriage. I'd truly hoped that all of my suspicions were just my paranoia, and exhaustion from running the family in his absence! To all of my close friends, I'd already begun to refer to myself as "A single mom with financial support." That hurts my heart so badly as I reflect on those feelings now. For many months prior to this time, I'd practically begged and groveled for some sort of normalcy in our home. I so needed him to be a part of the family again. But more and more, I found myself doing things alone with the kids. The family of 5 dissolved, and the new family of 4 surfaced. We all began to get used to it! When he'd make an appearance, he seemed more and more like an outsider in our home. In hindsight, I feel like such a fool for not having somehow stopped this from happening, but God knows I tried. When he was at home, he was never truly with us. He'd come home on the phone, and stay on the phone most of the evening and into the night. I questioned him so many times, with the result being a long drawn out lecture on my jealousy, lack of trust, etc. I have to say that my intuition, though it seemed ill fitting at the time, was right on. That somehow, something and someone became more important than our family, is what keeps me up at night. I just don't have a box big enough to put that in. Regardless, I believe that God is truly, completely, and omnipotently in control. I believe that He holds my future in His hands. And beyond all of my feelings, thoughts, perceptions, etc., He will lead me where He wants and needs me to go. I am now living solely for the Kingdom, for the first time in my life. I have Kingdom eyes, and I've not been able to see through my worldly eyes for a while now. I guess when all else is stripped away from you, and you are left with complete reliance on Him, you gain a vision that is beyond what we have experienced thus far. He has done an extraordinary work in my heart, as far as forgiveness and tolerance is concerned. It never ceases to amaze me that I am able to carry on a friendly and casual conversation with him. Only through Christ would this even remotely be possible. I tend to hold on to hurt feelings, and grudges. But in HIm, I am able to move on and be amicable. As things continue to occur that close off places of my heart toward him, I'm more convinced than ever that this is heading in a terminal direction. And the most unbelievable thing is that I'm completely at peace with this! Thank you sweet Father for all you have done for me! I am blessed beyond all expectation!

In the story of Elijah in 1 Kings, the nation of Israel had turned to idolatry in worshipping Baal, "god of fertility and lord of the rain cloud." God sent Elijah on a journey to oppose Baal worship and the people who practiced it. God revealed Himself to Elijah in mighty ways. He was first miraculously sustained through ravens-an unlikely source of sustenance to say the least. Then God commanded a poor widow to feed him. She had only a handful of flour and a little oil. Yet God promised that this small amount would last until the drought was over. The son of the woman then became ill and died. Elijah took the son and asked God to bring him back to life. Verse 32 says, "The Lord heard Elijah's cry, and the boy's life returned to him, and he lived." The next mighty act was performed when God sent Elijah to confront Ahab on Mt. Carmel. 1 Kings 1: 21 "Elijah went before the people and said, "How long will you waiver between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow Him; but if Baal is God, follow him." He challenged them to offer up a sacrifice to Baal, to come to them supernaturally and light the sacrifice. They called on Baal all morning with no answer. So Elijah called all of the people together and built the altar for his sacrifice. He had them pour jars of water over the offering and wood to show he wasn't pulling any tricks. Verse 36 says, "At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. 37 Answer me, O Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again." The Lord proceeded to send His fire to burn the saturated sacrifice, wood, stones and the soil. 39 :When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The Lord-he is God! The Lord-he is God!"

Over the next series of events, Elijah realized that even with all of the miracles that had just been performed, people were still worshipping Baal. He grew so desperately weary, that he resorted to hiding in a cave. When the word of the Lord came to him asking him why he was in the cave, 1 Kings 19:10 "He replied, 'I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." 11 "The Lord said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.'" The Lord sent a mighty , forceful wind but He was not found in the wind. He then sent an earthquake, and Elijah, having just seen all of the mighty miracles performed, fully expected the Lord to be found in the earthquake. He wasn't there either. After the earthquake, He sent a fire in which He was not found. Instead of revealing HImself to Elijah in any of the former mentioned mighty ways, He instead chose to show Himself through a "gentle whisper." Elijah had just been through such a mountaintop experience, that he failed to remember that God can also come in a gentle whisper.

I think that we Christians often do the same thing. We expect God to show up in shockingly big ways, and in waiting for the show, we fail to hear His sweet whispers. It would be much easier if God would just plop Himself down in our lives and shout His power so loudly we couldn't miss it! He has to get so frustrated with us as He is constantly speaking to us about things that are on our hearts, and yet we continue to ask Him to give us His words! It's so hard to filter everything else out, but when you're able to focus on Him, and listen ever so closely, He will meet you there! At times He sends a sweet friend who has been listening to Him, and allows that friend to say exactly what He needed you to hear. Other times, He might use a pastor, television, radio, internet, whatever source He thinks will reach you. And still at other times, He speaks directly to our hearts! As I've been in greater need of being able to discern His voice over ALL else over the last several months, I've come to pray for Him to make it crystal clear for me. I confess to Him that I might need several different reminders. I admit that I'm pretty pathetic and ask that He continue to show me His ways until I get it! Today is one of those days, as I can already tell that my mind is on a million things I need to get done in a matter of time that is insufficient. It's on these days that I truly risk not hearing that sweet, gentle voice. "Heavenly Father, please let me not miss one thing you have to say to me today! You know that my mind is on so many things, so please help me to hear that small, gentle voice. I don't need shock and awe, don't need You to come in an earthquake, wind or fire (please don't actually). But I do need for You to remove everything else that might be in the way of my hearing You! I so long to hear You Father!" Listen closely...

Never Alone

You Are Never Alone

You are all alone
Walking on your own
With no real home to run to
You cry out for love
And understanding
and the Father says...
"Come to Me, child,
For I love you
I cry for you
And I wish it didn't have to be this way
Know that you're not alone any longer
And your faith is growing stronger
I KNOW how hard this is for you
For I've been there too
When I died on the cross
I died for you
I know you may find this hard to believe
And harder still to understand
But dear child, just trust Me
And hold onto My hand
For I'll not lead you astray
And I'll never go away
All I want to do
Is hold your hand and walk with you
Till you're past the depths of this valley
And walking up the mountainside
Even then, I'll still walk with you
My heart full of pride
At My wonderful child
With such a beautiful heart
Didn't I tell you
That we'd never be apart?
You are more precious to Me
Than you will ever know
And I want you to remember
Wherever you may go
That I love you
When no one else does
Because you are
My precious and beautiful child
No matter how your path
May seem to have run wild
Don't forget that someday
You'll kneel before My throne
And experience My love
In a way you've never known
So, dear child, remember ALWAYS
That you are never alone."

copyright 1998 C.A.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (New International Version)

8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

I can honestly say that I understand this verse now more than ever. It seems that at every turn, there is a new challenge, a new hurdle, a new obstacle, a seemingly impassible river of stuff!!! I've never felt so challenged to "stick with it", "hang in there", to trust that this is all for my good. This week has been full of disappointments, which have sent me into a tail spin of bitter emotions.

I tell my kids all of the time, "You need only to worry about YOU! You have plenty to worry about without worrying what your sister or brother are doing!" As a mother, unfortunately, that's not altogether true. Yes, we have ourselves to worry about. But we are ultimately responsible for molding and shaping these little lives to whom we've been entrusted. This is where the deepest pain of this divorce gets to me. I have given my entire situation to Christ, and I rededicate it to him daily, most often even several times throughout the day! That, however, doesn't protect this mother from feeling the pain that is inflicted because of their father's actions! Decisions made, actions altered, important events "forgotten", and more importance placed on some things which don't involve the kids than time promised to them, are a few things come to my mind immediately. It hurts that it's becoming more and more clear that his priorities are based solely on selfish actions! I have to come to terms with this, since it's been painfully obvious since having to drive myself to the hospital to see if I was in labor with Ben. It was the first Texas football season of the year, after all! It was way too early for me to be in labor. After complaining of symptoms for a couple of days, and having been reprimanded for "not trusting him as a doctor", I couldn't take it anymore. After all, my body had NO idea that the first UT game of the year was just beginning, or that it was too early for Ben to be born. In an effort to come at the situation from an angle from which I'd yet to approach it, I chose to use passive aggression. I said, "I think I'll drive myself to your office and test myself to see if I might have a leak in my water." The reaction was shocking and certainly not what I expected, as he reached for his office keys and told me right where to find the strips used to test for that. I remember driving myself to Baylor, crying the whole way there from pain of dual sources. I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I felt so completely and utterly alone at that moment. My water was broken, I was terrified that I was having a baby who would no doubt have some issues due to prematurity, and I laid in l&d for a couple of hours before he was able to make it by halftime! Of course, my mom was there immediately to sit with me-thank you God for moms! Looking back now, I'm a little embarrassed to say that I should have realized that this is not how a husband should love his wife! Living in denial and in a lie for so long is most likely the source of most of my feelings of guilt, regret and remorse. This week, these same feelings have surfaced like a flash flood. This time, however, they are felt for my babies, and not for myself.

On a different note, the kids and I had a lot of fun last night, Halloween. A few years ago, we opted to skip hanging out with friends to stay in our neighborhood and trick or treat. The kids just love Halloween-the decorating, the festivities, etc. One guy in our neighborhood does it up huge and the kids always spend a couple of weeks prior to the actual day anticipating what new monsters will surface in his yard, or at his door. We stayed out about an hour and a half and they brought home enough candy to keep a dentist supported for life! Anyway, it was another milestone for us. This is the first year we went trick-or-treating as a family of 4! Each one of these events feels like such an accomplishment and a step toward healing. I have no profound ending today, just that it's Sunday-recharge day again. My batteries are very low and I can't wait to have a full charge to face the week. MMM, thinking it's donuts for breakfast since we haven't had enough sugar... Have a blessed week!