Monday, Monday...

I have to reflect on a tough weekend. Friday evening was great. I took the kids to Six Flags Fright Fest and we had so much fun. Well, 3 of us had fun and Addison tolerated it begrudgingly. My sweet little Addison, she is my mother's twin in personality, and so far from mine! Adventure is something she sees from her safe place and wonders why in the world anyone would want to leave the comfort of what they have, to seek anything else. That is also what makes her my more palatable child-easy going, peace maker, etc. Let me just say that she will be staying with Nana the next time we go!!! Ben has finally reached the height requirement for most rides, and loved every adrenaline rush he got from them. Caroline was his little chaperon and it did my heart good to see her treating him kindly for a little while-those 2 are so much alike that they butt heads more often than not! We also did a haunted house for the first time and don't think they'll be asking to go to one for a long time. Anyway, that was our Friday and I thought all was good for the weekend.

Saturday morning around 3, I awoke to the barking, unmistakable cough of croup. Ben breathed in too much cold air and suffered the effects. We started breathing treatments and he rallied really quickly turning the corner. He was well enough to have a friend over by that night and had a blast. We woke up yesterday and went to church. Dropped Ben and his friend off at his friend's house to play a while. The girls and I ate lunch at Campisi's-mmm. I even got to sneak in a nap-rare occasion. And by about 4:30, Caroline said she wasn't feeling well-typical occurrence when she has put off doing her homework until Sunday night. I told her to lay down (unfortunately in my bed) and went to run a couple of errands. I got a frantic call from Addison saying that Caroline had thrown up all over my bed!!! Joy of joys! Granted my 7 year old can make it to the toilet to throw up every time. However, I don't think Caroline has ever-not once-been "able" to make it anywhere but all over the place she lies!? I think this is par for her dramatic personality. I think it all has to be about the dramatic presentation-and she definitely accomplishes that. One thing I'm quite thankful for is that my laptop was on the bed and she managed to spare it! I mention all of this to say that being a single mom is difficult on the best of days. But when you add illness to the mix, it's just simply defeating and exhausting! There's no tag team-no one to call out to to grab more towels or grab the nebulizer while you sit with your child who is struggling to breathe. It's all you and it's all very wrong and not the way this was meant to work! So instead of fully recharging over the weekend, I kind of feel like I'm starting my week with a limp!

On one more note, a sweet friend sent this verse to me last night and I just love it. When friends ask me how I've kept my mouth shut for all of these months, and have tried my best to treat George with what respect I can muster, I'm going to start referring them to this verse:

Isaiah 50:4-9 (New International Version)

4 The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue,
to know the word that sustains the weary.
He wakens me morning by morning,
wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.

5 The Sovereign LORD has opened my ears,
and I have not been rebellious;
I have not drawn back.

6 I offered my back to those who beat me,
my cheeks to those who pulled out my beard;
I did not hide my face
from mocking and spitting.

7 Because the Sovereign LORD helps me,
I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
and I know I will not be put to shame.

8 He who vindicates me is near.
Who then will bring charges against me?
Let us face each other!
Who is my accuser?
Let him confront me!

9 It is the Sovereign LORD who helps me.
Who is he that will condemn me?
They will all wear out like a garment;
the moths will eat them up.

Have a great day today!!!!

Favorite day

Sunday's have become my day to recharge. As of the past few weeks, it seems my battery is dying more quickly than it has been. About midweek, I start feeling the urge to drop out of this race, turn away, and never look back. A few years ago, the movie Surf's Up came out. It was about a penguin from a small fishing town who dreams of becoming a surfing champion like his idol, the late Big Z. When Cody met Big Z as a young penguin, the surfing legend left an impression that Cody would never forget. The movie follows Cody as he makes the journey to Pen Gu Island and the Big Z Memorial Surf Off, where he hopes to win the competition and follow in Big Z's wake.

Cody winds up having to be saved by the beautiful lifeguard, Lani, after an embarrassing surf off with the surfing king. Feeling sorry for the inexperienced kid, Lani takes him to see her uncle Geek. As Geek tries to help Cody get back to surfing, Cody realizes that Geek is Big Z, and that he has been hiding away all of these years to avoid the pain of losing a competition.

The point of all of that is to say that I can so see how Big Z just wants to disappear and not face the humiliation and difficulty of his major loss. Having said that, of course there are 3 little obstacles in the way of this somewhat appealing thought! GRRRR! I, however, have made it to another Sunday-my recharge day! I've come to rely heavily on these days! There's definitely something about coming together as a church family and corporate worship. It's God's design.

My prayers this week revolve around sustainment, focus on Him and not my current trials, SLEEP, REST, SLEEP, a full 24 hours that the kids will be with George this weekend and time that I really need since I've had them with little to no breaks lately, and clarity and discernment involving my future career choice. I'm really struggling in this area. I'm afraid that I'm not feeling the love for education, and am remembering the reason I decided not to go that route in the first place! I have huge decisions to make and it's weighing heavily on my heart and mind. Have a wonderfully blessed week!

Scripture for the day

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (New International Version)

The God of All Comfort

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

Unredeemed by Selah

The cruelest world

The coldest heart

The deepest wound

The endless dark

The lonely ache

The burning tears

The bitter nights

The wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart

But we know these are

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame

And all the love that never came

For every vow that someone broke

And every lie that gave up hope

We live in the shadow of the fall

But the cross says these are all

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But you never know the miracle the Father has in store

Just watch and see

It will not be

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfGbcjCVDOs

A new week

I'm so glad to be tucking last week away, and looking forward to a great week, albeit quite busy. I am most excited to be seeing my boys today, "Dayton and Dawson, Crazy Carol's on her way!" I haven't been able to see them as much lately, due to the flu scare and Dawson's continued fragile health. Dawson's oxygen needs aren't as demanding and frightening anymore, so it isn't nearly as nerve rattling as it was at first to keep them. Anyway, I get to be with those little rays of sunshine today and tomorrow to start my week. The rest of the week involves a couple of days with tennis, which is always great therapy. I won tickets to go see Third Day on Thursday night and am very excited about that! I was telling the kids that I have yet another concert this week, so they'd be with George on a weeknight. Caroline said, "Mom, you're scaring me a little! Are you becoming a wild concert girl now?" Hmmm, U2, Darlene Zschech and Hillsong, and Third Day! Watch out world, I'm going a little crazy here-LOL! I assured her that this month just happened to be a little concert filled, but I will be going back to my old, boring self as of Friday of this week!

On another note, per a friend's recommendation, I started reading "The Red Sea Rules" over the weekend. Wow, what a powerful little book. It is brilliantly written to compare life's struggles with the Israelites' plights. There are 10 God-given strategies for difficult times:

1.) Realize that God means for you to be where you are.

2.) Be more concerned for God's glory than for your relief.

3.) Acknowledge your enemy, but keep your eyes on the Lord.

4.) Pray!

5.) Stay calm and confident, and give God time to work.

6.) When unsure, just take the next logical step by faith.

7.) Envision God's enveloping presence.

8.) Trust God to deliver in His own unique way.

9.) View your current crisis as a faith builder for the future.

10.)Don't forget to praise Him.

That's the gist of the book, but crammed into each of these rules, are such sound Biblical applications. I'm praying for a more settled week this week. To God be the glory!!!

Oh thank you Father, it's Sunday

Yea!!!! I made it through another week, and was it ever a hard one. I haven't struggled the way I struggled last week since the first days of this journey. I'm glad to put the week behind me, and add another notch on my belt for having gone through it. On the positive side, I clung to my Savior more closely this week than I have in a few weeks. And today is Sunday. I get to go to God's house today, and worship Him with my family of believers. What an awesome privilege we have as Americans. I take it for granted most of the time, but this week closes out our week of Mission Festival. It's so hard to imagine the life those persecuted for their faith live on a daily basis.

Well, we have an end date that was extended from the initial end date. I'm hoping this is the final one, but know that this will all happen in God's timing. I'm tired of the limbo, and am yearning to know what this all looks like post divorce. This journey all started January 17th, and our final date is January 19th. Addison's birthday is sandwiched between those days!!!

Have a wonderful, blessed Sunday!!!!

26.2 miles

I've always been intrigued by marathons. I mean, it is impossible for me to wrap my brain around the idea of running 26.2 miles! I once had grandiose ideas of someday completing one of these monster races, but have since marked it off my bucket list due to my knees. Having said that, I am in no way less fascinated by the idea! I have literally gone through the race in my mind, wondering at which point during those gruesome 26.2 miles I'd hit the wall-emotionally and/or physically. I can imagine that in training for a marathon, your body would gradually become accustomed to the physical idea of pounding the pavement step after step after step. The emotional exhaustion is what I believe would put you over the edge both mentally and physically. Having said that, I can relate what I have been going through to running a marathon. I feel like I've been pounding the pavement for about 23 miles now, and I'm spent. My legs are cramping, I'm dehydrated, my feet are covered in weeping blisters, my chest burns for a deep breath, and I don't feel like I can finish at this point! The finish line is still 3.2 miles away, so it's out of sight. I just want to quit. After all, It's unbelievable to run 23 miles! At the beginning of the race, I never imagined I'd make it this far! I'm thinking I might have come out running too fast, too early on. For those of you who've never competed in racing, when you come out too fast, are not well trained for the event, etc., there's a point during the race when your body has had enough. The lactic acid builds up in your legs and makes them feel like lead weights. All you want at that point is for the race to be over. In the sheer pain and frustration, you couldn't care less what place you get. You just want it to be over! Below is a little segment from a blog entitled "The worst day of my life":

"People talk about the wall but until you hit it you have no idea. Chris Boardman sums it up well, 'Towards the last three or four miles I just couldn't care less. I just wanted somebody to shoot me but since they wouldn't I had to keep going,'
From 21 miles I could have cried every time someone called my name, after the finish I could have sworn at every spectator getting in my way. Exhaustion does that to you."

I painfully get this! I'd like for someone to get me out of my misery right now also. But there's always been this part of me that won't allow me to quit! I've often hated it, since it has lead to unnecessary injuries and pain. I'm extremely stubborn and despise losing in a way that few people understand or even care to! My competitive drive has caused me more problems than not, but it is who I am. I have to finish strong and deal with the injuries later. For today, my pace is ultra slow. I'm going to have to limp along until I can find the strength to speed up again. I don't know when that might happen-maybe when the finish line is in full view, maybe not until after the race is finished and my body has time to heal itself! For now, one foot in front of the other...

RUNNER-Twila Paris

Courier valiant, bearing the flame
Messenger noble, sent in His name
Faster and harder, run through the night
Desperate relay, carry the light
Carry the light

Runner when the road is long
Feel like giving in but you're hanging on
Oh runner, when the race is won
You will run into his arms

Obstacle ancient, chilling the way
Enemy wakened, stoking the fray
Still be determined, fearless and true
Lift high the standard, carry it through
Carry it through

Mindful of many waiting to run
Destined to finish what you've begun
Millions before you cheering you on
Godspeed dear runner, carry it home
Carry it home

Ahhh, a new day

As I awoke this morning, I very hesitantly looked at the clock, wincing in fear that I'd see one of those dreaded numbers I've been seeing lately as stress and sleeping don't cohabitate well in me. As bad as it may sound, I was quite pleased to see a 5 something instead of a 2 or 3! I realized that I did, in fact, make it through one of the toughest days I've had emotionally since the first dark days! It seemed at every turn there was a new stressor, demand placed on me, emotion I couldn't deal with well, etc. It's on these day that satan really seems to use his evil ways to bring me down. A friend has been literally praying the armor of God over me for the past month or so:

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

I'm afraid that all of this armor got a bit heavy and in my weakness, I took a few pieces off to take a breather! Huge mistake. I, of course, didn't do this consciously. However, as I started my day yesterday, I gave into the feeling of defeat. It happens to all of us as life seems to shove us into a tiny space and slam the door on what we've come to know. I chose to get up and start my day without the usual prayer time I need to start my day with! Having said that, isn't it a beautiful thing for us as Christians to know that each new day brings a new hope and a chance to start anew with no baggage from our yesterdays! Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is yet to come, so live today and only today! God is good. He is mighty. He is powerful. He is bigger than each and every problem we face. He is omnipotent and omniscient. He loves us so much we can't comprehend it. He wants only what is good for us. He ultimately wants us to let go and lay it all at his feet. He wants us to come to Him as we are, not how everyone else sees us. He wants us to come to Him dirty and messy and unkempt. He wants us to feel broken to the point that we have nothing left of ourselves. It's only then that He is fully able to do the work in us that He wants to do. I thought I'd let it all go and laid it all before the throne. But yesterday was a big day for me. I'm big on holding it together. I'd guess that even you who are very close to me have only seen or heard me crying over the past 8 months a couple of times. I hate losing control more than anything. I like control a lot. I've always struggled with it. I thought I'd been so completely broken throughout this process, that I'd given all control to Christ. I realized that I was holding on to that last little bit yesterday as the dam broke, and I was literally flat on my face at the feet of Jesus. In my angry, ugly, honest fit, he reached down, picked me up, and held me in His arms against His mighty chest. He just held me and let me know that He's bigger than ALL of this mess. His shoulders are strong enough to take my fit of rage. He let me know that in my weakness, He is strong. And He is all I need, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!!!!!

Sheila Walsh "Let Go"

These hands are holding on for life
Desperately trying not to fall
Clinging to broken dreams and shattered promises
No safety net at all
This heart has had all it can take
Who can I run to for help
My kingdom's crumbling into dust
So why am I still holding on

Let go and fall into the arms of love
Let go and put your trust in me
And I will carry you
And lift you high above the highest mountain
To a place of peace where healing flows
If only you let go

You gave yourself completely, Lord
My sin and shame nailed to the cross
Now I can live my life in freedom and joy
In freedom and in joy

So I let go and fall into the arms of love
Let go and trust you from now on
And you will carry me
And lift me up high above this mountain
To a place of peace where healing flows
So I let go, let go, let go
And love will carry you
And lift you high above the highest mountain
To a place of peace where healing flows
Just let go

This is my day, just the way it is-MESSY!

I think I have been fairly strong throughout this whole ordeal. I certainly take no credit for that, as only Christ could have given me the strength to go through the days I've faced! I have to admit that I've had this ongoing banter with Him over the last several months! I won't go into it in depth, but it involves a lot of my telling Him, the omnipotent, omniscient, King of Kings, etc., that I think He has made a huge mistake. Certainly this was not supposed to be my lot! Somewhere along the delivery route, it HAD to get mixed up! I'm not equipped to do this, nor do I think I can handle this another moment. Since He has not taken me out of this valley yet, even after I so kindly let Him know about this most obvious mistake, I am beginning to truly believe it IS my lot, and that I have to plow on, no matter how muddy it is, no matter how ill equipped I am, no matter what!!! This leads me to let you know that you get to hear a lot of my together, more sane days. So, if you are one of my closer friends, who happens to be digging deeper by reading my blog, I have to share the not so pretty days as well. This has to be one of my messier days. This is like my housekeeper hasn't been to the house in weeks, and you call to tell me you're outside my door kind of messy!!! Things have been getting a little more stressful than usual. I'm having problems on top of issues, on top of other junk. All of that mixed with sleep deprivation as a result of the former mentioned, made for it all "hitting the fan" this morning! I've not been angry at God throughout this whole situation. I don't know why, since I think it would be fairly common, though unwarranted. I broke this morning, and held my fists in the air, shaking them violently at God, yelling at the top of my lungs at Him for allowing me to go through this when at anytime, He could reach down and fix it all! I felt such anger and desperation, but ultimately there He was as I was in the midst of yelling at Him. I was literally telling Him that He needed to do SOMETHING to help me get through this day! I was threatening Him and crying out at the same time! I do not like being angry at my Savior and best friend! But He heard my cries through my fit of rage and sent a friend to take time out for me! I so don't deserve such a sweet Savior! She took a couple of hours out of her day to spend with me and I'm truly blessed by the vision of Jesus in her! She had no idea that I was in the middle of the worst break down I've yet had. At church on Sunday, Ann Graham Lotz was speaking, and asked us if we'd ever seen Jesus in someone! I see Jesus in my precious friend! I also got several unexpected encouraging emails from several friends, which further lifted my spirits. You see, He is always there, even when we lose sight of HIM! I can just see Him hurting for me while I'm yelling at Him, knowing how badly I'm hurting. On days like these, when I'm able to so clearly see His mighty hand working directly for me, I find myself in complete awe of Him, and feel so unworthy of such a Savior! I'm so thankful that I have Him though, although I am completely unworthy! Just fyi, I am much better now. I'm not ranting and raving and screaming at God! I do have to admit that my heart is still very heavy as George and I are moving into the final stretches of this road of divorce. In praying this week, please pray that as he and I meet to discuss the splitting of our lives and stuff, etc., Christ would plop Himself right down in the middle of our meetings and mediate as only He can. I don't know what my future looks like right now, but I know that ALL I want right now is for Christ to be at the center of it, because only He knows what I need, and what will further His good! I want each and every decision made to go through Him for approval. Also please pray that we would take no steps backward in how we are treating one another. We have reached a decent place after having struggled for awhile. I look back at the beginning of this, and see the amazing work God has done in my heart. I don't like to use the word "forgiveness" yet, because I don't think I'm mentally ready for that yet. I still hurt so much. But I have to say that even though I am not mentally ready, God is working on my heart in ways I couldn't have imagined even a couple of months ago. It's been a struggle as my mind and my heart have played tug-o-war over this. I'm not even remotely there, but can see hope for real forgiveness in the future. God is slowly but surely teaching me that your heart doesn't have to be completely healed to start down the path of forgiveness! Looking at this from Heaven's perspective, though very limited by my human nature, I can see how Christ has orchestrated the most beautiful picture of Himself through the mess of my life. He is in the business of turning nasty, ugly, vile stuff into something of beauty. As He continues to do this with what has become my lot, the mess that is my life, I am so excited to see the final picture someday. I know that it will be the most amazing, beautiful picture I have ever seen. I will be forever changed by this experience in the way of living my life for the Kingdom! Sorry about the mess today, but it happens! You have to take the good with the bad. Hugs to all of you! I thank God for each of you!

"I have a Hope!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSbJtqYow3Q

In the Valley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT8aTjVZHVI

Wow, I just had something happen that was very unexpected. I was grabbing a quick muffin and coffee, and walked by a girl who was wearing the perfume I wore on our wedding day and throughout our honeymoon. Funny (sometimes not so funny) how a smell takes you back to a certain place and time, and the reality of it is almost palpable. I went back to that day in April, 12 1/2 years ago. Our wedding pictures turned out so beautiful, since the sun was shining and it appeared to be the most pleasant day ever! However, one step into those pictures and you'd realize that the appearance was only superficial. It was about 40 degrees that day, very windy, and we were scattering to find heaters and tents for the reception, which was mostly outside. I can't help but wonder how close the comparison of that deceivingly beautiful day could be to the marriage that followed. It's hard to know in times like this, what was real and what was not. I can say without one bit of doubt that even in knowing how it would end, I'd do it again! I guess this is all bringing me around to saying that after having the influx of memories and emotions, I realized that I have felt so much emotion throughout the last 8 months, beginning with absolute shock and denial, and moving into anger, bitterness, rage, hatred, terror, and a lot of guilt and regret. You might realize, if you remember any of your Psy 101, that I've left out sadness! I've felt extreme, heart wrenching sadness for the kids! I've lain awake many nights crying my heart out over them and what they are, and will be facing! I thought I'd experienced the sadness I needed to move on. But I am only now realizing that I've not yet grieved for myself. I'm just realizing that I have yet to grieve the loss of my hopes and dreams for our marriage and life together. I've been so consumed with survival, and keeping the kids okay. I guess this is the good news, since I know I have to go through this. But that doggone perfume really sparked some emotions I wasn't prepared for today! I'm a doer though, so bring it on! I know my Father will carry me out of this desert and into the promised land (hope He doesn't choose to leave me here for 40 years!!!!). It's all temporary here in this world :)! Thank you Heavenly Father for another day! Please give me only what I need for the day, and we'll face tomorrow, together, TOMORROW!!!!

New seasons

I love the changing seasons. In Texas, they come so sporadically and often temporarily! This recent, earlier than usual, explosion of Fall, has kind of snapped me out of what has become my new normal. It has me somewhat nostalgic, and a little (well, maybe even a lot at times) sad! I think it's doing the same things to my children. While decorating the house in our Fall theme, we started speculating about decorating for Christmas. Christmas is our favorite time of year. Caroline asked, "Mom, we ARE going to be with you on Christmas, right?!" I honestly answered, "Baby, I don't know exactly what Christmas is going to look like this year, but no matter what, I'll definitely be with you some of the time on Christmas!" I felt my chin begin to quiver, as I've truly been living moment to moment and have been relying on Christ to give me only what I need for the day! Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I honestly had only had fleeting thoughts about the upcoming holiday's and what that would entail. Caroline's question provoked a series of other questions by all 3 of them, leading to moments of near panic when reality sunk in! "Will Dad be here for Santa? Will Dad get us presents? Will Dad be here when we wake up?" etc. Owwww my heart hurts at such times. How very unfair to these innocent babies to have to worry about such things. The very core of what they know has been so terribly disrupted. It's unnatural, and so not according to God's plan, that it's no wonder it feels like it's literally ripping me apart at the seams at times. Thanksgiving this year with family is going to be at our house. This is always such a sweet time with family. George has always "seemed" (I say this because a lot of what seemed to be was apparently not) to love our family's get togethers, even having certain special items family member's knew he would request! It hurts my heart to know that we will be sharing this special time this year as a family of 4, not 5! And quickly approaching thereafter, is my very favorite time of the year, Christmas. For the past 12 years, we have known what to expect for Christmas. We have our little traditions and rituals. It is a little more than concerning to think of how this will change this year. While my ultimate goal is to keep everything as normal for the kids as possible, I know that things will most definitely be different and that will directly affect them! In saying all of this, the amazing thing is that although it hurts my heart to think of such things, and yes I've shed a few tears in writing this, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my Savior will valiantly lead me through this next section of this path I am traveling! He has been so sweet to constantly show himself to me throughout the past 8 months (that's so hard to believe)! At my lowest times, He has plopped Himself right in my midst by sending an unexpected message from a friend, a precious book of His word dropped off at my door, bringing me a new friend, through Bible study lessons that pertained directly to what I've been dealing with, sermons at church which left me speechless, as things were said that were obviously specifically for little ol' me, and many more! In so many ways that I can't even express, He has shown His mighty, powerful, omnipotent hands "holding me in his palms" (as a friend so sweetly has prayed for us for many months)! One such occasion happened recently, when I received an email from an acquaintance, who has also gone through such trials. She quoted a scripture that she clung to during her whole ordeal and I'm so clinging to it now! Isaiah 26:3 "I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Me because he trusts in Me." As I face the changing seasons, in my personal life and in nature, I know that I trust Him, so am fully expecting to find "perfect peace" as I face the upcoming, uncertain days! Have a blessed Sunday!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dwpdZdvCl8

Robbie Seay Band "It's a New Day"

This is one of my favorite bands and songs right now. I first heard this band when our worship pastor played as people were coming in before church started.

I'm gonna sing this song
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you're like me
You need hope, coffee, and melody
So sit back down
Let the world keep spinning ‘round
For yesterday's gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it's a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day

I’m a pilgrim soul
I've traveled far and come back home
This land is hard and cold
For those who long to love
And I know it might seem
That the world is crumbling
But it’s me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 am
And we're still alive

It’s the calm of the storm that comes blowing in
It’s the springtime saying I'm back again
The clouds that roll by
Crossing moonlight
Me and you love – everything's alright
Standing in the rain with nowhere to go
Laughing and we're spinning and I hope that you
Remember this day
For the rest of your life
Me and you love – everything’s gonna be alright

And it just might be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
It’s a new day
Oh baby, it’s a new day
If you look outside
To see a beautiful sunrise
It’s a new day

In the beginning....

I've decided to start a blog! I am praying that it will serve many purposes. Mainly, my hope is that it will allow me to better organize my thoughts and prayers during this time in my life. I've found that during times when I'm so distressed and confused, it's hard for me to even know what I'm thinking. In writing, I find comfort. Secondly, I hope it will allow you, my friends and family, to better know what's happening. Life is so chaotic, it's hard to convey specifics in a 5 minute conversation in carpool. Also, it allows you to check up on me whenever you want to, without having to listen to me rant and rave, whine and moan, etc. LOL! God has blessed me with such an amazing support system. He is so good to me! Happy blogging!